My previous Memories articles have been about my perspective of how Magic was back in the day, and on occasion, I would tell you a story about how a time period played out or how a deck worked. I wanted to do something a little different this time.

In this eight-part article series, I will tell you the story of one event in my personal Magic career, and most likely, my crowning achievement. That in itself is not the different part; the different part is that I will tell the story from my mind, and not my mouth.

Read on, and see what I mean.

Part One

I woke up around 6:00 a.m. The sun had not yet risen, and it was very cold in my room. The dread of the long day ahead began to creep into my bones. It was destined to be an 18-hour day with little or no excitement, and I really didn’t know why I put myself through this every time a major tournament came around.

I opened the door to my bedroom to hear fighting from the other side of the hallway. Apparently Sam had been snoring all night long and Ryan had not been very appreciative of it. It definitely looked like it was going to be a long day. These two fools hadn’t slept, and were already at each other’s throats.

I hopped into the shower first. The warm water relieved a bit of the cold in my aching joints, yet even the sound of water pounding all around me could not drown out the sound of my two comrades beating on each other in the other room. The sound of something hollow being hit was all I could hear. Upon returning to the living room, I found that the sound was coming from Ryan punching Sam in his chest cavity. As if that was not enough, Tysene then finished the entire scene by coming out of the bathroom with his face painted white and his eyes encircled in black mascara. Lovely. I had to ride with these creeps for an hour and a half.

As I hopped into the car, Patrick pinned Sam against the car and explained the riding rules to him. Sam whined loudly and Patrick ignored him as he held him pinched between his girth and the car's metal posterior. To sum up the rules, “I am the best friend, you ride in the back, and I want to enjoy the sound of Ryan pounding your chest the entire way to Columbus.” They were both out of their minds. I still wonder if Sam would have preferred to ride in the trunk.

Finally, everyone squeezed into the car and we were ready to set sail. As I released the breaks, my stomach informed me that I needed to make a pit stop at McDonalds along the way. Damn, the Sausage McGriddle and Orange Juice were going to haunt me later, but right then they sounded really good. The sound of so many people in McDonalds surprised me; didn’t they realize that it was 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning? They should all have been sleeping in.

Friday Night Magic (FNM) didn’t go so well the night before; I went '0-3 drop' (lost three games then dropped from the tournament), not winning a single game. “What am I in for today?” I remember thinking. “Perhaps I should just drive the guys, offer support, and save my money for the side events.”

After discussing my fears with Patrick, who astutely read my face and knew I was worried, he convinced me to play a few rounds, as the side events would not be starting until 11:00 anyways. He even offered to pay for my main event registration if I was low on money. More like low on confidence. Could I borrow some of that? Could I purchase that somewhere? I didn’t see it on the McDonalds value menu.

Back to the car we went. While backing out of the parking spot, Patrick made a declaration. He waved to everyone in the car to get our attention. “Guys… it’s Time!” He searched my CD folder, found the Disturbed CD and popped it into the player. It truly was “Time.” What “Time” was it? It was definitely “GO TIME!”

We were cruising down the highway, and I must admit that it is so much easier making an hour and a half trip in 45 minutes while bouncing your head, tapping on the wheel, and weaving through traffic. The car reverberated with a high-pitched “Wha-a-a-a-a-ahh!” and the head banging intensified as us five guys were united in the adrenaline rush that only “Down With the Sickness” could provide.

We made great time, as I knew we would with the music jamming. All the while, we only suffered a few casualties. Sam took numerous thundering shots while I kept him wobbling between Tysene and Ryan. Mental note – Sam should sit opposite of Ryan on the way home to spare his life. Ryan seemed to really enjoy the sound that Sam’s chest made, and quite frankly, it disturbed me. I then turned the music down and made the mistake of asking Tysene whom the main characters like Braids and that were. The story he then told rotted my brain away for the next twenty minutes as he recapped the entire storyline from Invasion through to Judgment. I swore to myself that I would fight the next person who tried to tell me one of those stories.

We finally reached the hallowed grounds of the Columbus Convention Center. My nervousness had become more and more intense. “Maybe I should back out,” I thought. “Is it really cowardice if I am afraid of getting mad at my own deck and not wanting to paper cut someone’s neck to the point of decapitation due to a cocky attitude while I am mana screwed for the sixth straight game?”

Incredibly, we thought we would leave early and likewise be early to arrive there, but that was not the case. There must have been at least 100 people there already. After milling about the place for a bit, we finally found the registration desk. I decided that I would be entering after all, as I couldn’t back out after handing the $25 to the attendant. Just as I was handing over my hard-earned money, Patrick made himself look like a complete ass. He was talking to the Head Judge for the tournament and led the man blindly into a conversation. I say blindly because the poor guy didn’t know (but now he does) how much of a jerk Patrick is.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN FACT OR FICTION ROTATED OUT A YEAR AGO? HOLY *BLEEEP* I NEED TO FIX MY DECK!”

With that he spun on his heel and stomped away with a smile on his face, and everyone around just stared at the rest of our group standing there mortified. Thanks Pat.

We finally found a table in the back of the joint to sit down at and set up camp. We then took turns crowding around each other with fake games, decks, and trades, trying to conceal the real decks being registered. At that point I started to wonder if I should have put two Mountains in my sideboard since I was going to be mana screwed in game one anyways. At least that way I’d have had a fighting chance in games two and three.

After both Patrick and I registered our decks, he took my deck to the far end of the table and sat alone. There was not a soul around him and yet he was talking gently while shuffling the deck. “Could he be seriously talking to my deck? To think that he is crazy now is a little far-fetched, right? I mean, normal people don’t talk to Magic decks, right?” After that he began shuffling the deck and… whispering to it? What I would pay to hear what a crazy person whispering to a Magic deck would say.

The Head Official made an announcement before starting us off. Boy was he huge. However, he was completely normal compared to the guy that walked by just then. “Dude, 1989 is on the phone, they say that they want their hair-do back,” I thought to myself. “Oh and nice looking book bag and lunch box. Do you think that by looking innocent that we are going to take you lightly? By the way, shouldn’t you have come by here to scout my deck BEFORE we put everything away and were ready for pairings? Noobie. Damn, does this guy ever run out of breath? Can someone please show him a picture of a set of stairs?

“What did he say? 650 people? Holy Crap on a Stick.”

"PAIRINGS!"

I had to squeeze through around 1/3 of the 650 people - which is roughly 216.667 people in case you were wondering - in order to find out that I was paired with a guy, whose name sounded familiar, up at table six. In case you don’t know, the lower the number, the higher profile the match is; which means that I would be up front where everyone could watch me flame out - lovely. “I wonder how far back I will fall from this loss. At least I have something to look forward to.”

My entire inner self began shaking as I approached my table and opponent. I thought I had either seen or heard of the guy before, which told me that he was probably pretty good. All of my competitive senses were telling me to relax and to not show any nervousness, but it’s hard as hell when you are walking towards the chopping block.

The guy was already sitting at the table waiting for me. Correction, he was sitting next to his friend and was chatting, while waiting for me. It didn’t even look like he could give one care in the world as to who was about to show up. He was clearly an experienced vet, as he was laughing and pointing out people that he knew to his buddy. I stopped at the table and sat down slowly. He merely looked at me and then looked back to his friend with a smile. “Boy, I wish I had a baseball bat,” I thought, “he couldn’t beat me so badly then.”

It was then that the first tip was offered. The friend asked him what he was playing and he told him, “Slide.” Then, the friend looked to me, obviously trying to “fake” hide a smile and asked me what I was playing.

Quick goat thinking; I replied, “Affinity,” as I know that Affinity gets torn up by Slide.

My opponent patted his sideboard and bragged to us that his “techy” side “pummels” Affinity. “Too bad everyone is playing Affinity today too!” He then had the audacity to ask if I wanted to concede. I stared at him blankly for a moment, not knowing the best way to tell him to go screw himself in the most polite manner. He reacted as if he had won some mental battle and followed that up by showing me his side and telling me how I really didn’t have a chance. I must concede the point that if I were playing Affinity, his side probably would quickly dispatch me.

I smiled with a slightly defeated posture and said, “I guess the round has started; shall we?”

“What an ass. Please deck… I am begging you.”

I shuffled my deck and drew my opening hand. Lo and behold! LAND! I set my hand down and pretended to debate on whether I wanted to take a mulligan or not. While doing so, I reflected back on my studies and once my mind was swimming in thought, my nerves calmed by a lot.

“What Control deck not playing Blue has ever stood a chance against Land Destruction? Uh… none! Heck, I have more creature removal in my deck than he has creatures total. He cannot cycle his lands, as he will need them in play. Does he even stand a chance against me? Holy Crap on a Stick again! I have match-up!”

At that point, he hurried me about the mulligan and so I decided finally to keep the opening hand.

Good luck," I offered.

“You more,” he replied with a wry smile.

Jerk. At this I decided to pull on his chain and see how mentally strong he was. I offered to let him go first, even though I won the toss and had already decided to play instead of draw. He pulled an a-hole style move and turned to tell his friend about what I did and they both laughed in my face. “This guy is walking right in to a trap and doesn’t even know it. Keep walking! The noose is almost tight enough. Please God give me more land!”

What I didn’t know was that he had kept a two-land hand, and was relying on drawing into another in the next three turns. What he didn’t know was that he would never see that land. What he also didn’t know was that I was going to play three Blistering Firecats before he could stop me, quickly ending game one.

“I hate that *bleeping* card! There is no skill in it!” he cried loudly with a bang on the table. His friend tried to calm him a bit and leaned over to see what had happened. With a bit of shyness, I spread my graveyard and revealed the stack of Firecats.

Thankfully, I had seen his sideboard and in it saw the Sacred Grounds, but he never saw a land destruction spell on my part. Most likely, he thought I was playing Red Deck Wins, and was only going to side in Circle of Protection: Red and not the Sacred Grounds. Not that it mattered, because I was bringing in copies three and four of Oblivion Stone and my very own Lightning Rifts. “This should be good…”

...To be continued.

cpn

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A Fresh Perspective: Stasis - Part One.
The Apprentice Magician - Part Six.
Design on a Dime: The Lunch Meat Edition!
Fit the Flavor 2008 - FINALE!
The Games People Play - Market & EDH.
More Evil Than Evil.
Pauper Chronicles: Top O' the Morningtide to You!
Sarpadian Empires, Vol VII: Foreword.
Words from the Streetz: Uncommon and Common Magical Treasures.
The Writers Guild: The Inside Scoop.