Come brothers, hurry. War has come knocking upon our door on this foul night. Look across the ridge, across the barren moor into the foul presence of the swamp. Do you see their shadows against the pale light from the bad moon that plagues our sky? Even at this darkest hour the servants of Tourach gather and make ready for battle. In turn, we must make ready the defenses, for by dawn they surely will be upon us. They shall not catch us unprepared though, the holy servants of Leitbur and the Hand of Justice will bathe in light again!!

Those not on guard duty, prepare to cleanse your souls. Receive the priest's blessings and speak sheltering prayers. So make sure you don your holy armor and let each soul radiate a righteous aura. When the enemy attacks it may be dark, but our souls shall illuminate the very night itself. We shall push them back into the dark and fight them until the sun breaks the horizon. At dawn they shall see the true victor as their corpses begin to rot in the sun.

Now to you sire—are you ready? The army is at your command, all it needs is a single word and it shall smite all in its way.

Come men, we draw near! Over that foul flat land you can see the spires that must be blotted out. The sight stings my eye, and the Praetor has demanded their extermination. By day break, the battle shall begin, and we shall rend their flesh and sacrifice their children. The Hymns to Tourach will be heard this night, reverberating off of the fallen stones of Icatia.

Profane your armor in the blood of the Thrulls, bind their skin to your backs, and teeth to your blades. Let the fear of our presence send terror through their camps, and darken their soul with an unquestioning urge to flee for their very lives. They shall be cut down where they run; let no man live without a spear in his back. As the sun rises, we shall see the color of their eyes, and it will be revealed yellow, like the streak up their backs.

Are you ready Lord? The Praetor has commanded you. Summon your legions, and prepare for battle!

The two met interlocked in battle under a moonless sky. Tynion began to work powerful dark magic into an early assault facing giant monstrosities against weaker white soldiers. Luckily, Leitbur smiled upon the holy army using simple dismissals and superior numbers to drive back the horrors of the night. Each side stockpiled Aeolipiles to ward against creatures well equipped to fight their minions, but between Tynion quickly expending his resources and Cashew's being lost by mere songs from Tynion a deadlock quickly emerged.

Each of them, waiting to deliver a deathblow, began to amass resources. On the side of light, powerful angelic fliers began to swing across finally dealing damage. Meanwhile, Tynion's dark Praetor was fed and made stronger by an ever-growing Thrull army, quietly biding its time, because the Praetor knew Tynion was planning to unleash the very bowels of the abyss itself. As daylight began to pour across the field…

Voice: I'll attack Tynion with thirteen 1/1 Goblin tokens.

…apparently a bunch of Goblins annihilated Tynion's Thrulls.

Tynion: What the…!?
PlayerGoblin: What? I was just dominating.
Tynion: Seriously, it took me five turns to make all them Thrulls. I thought this was a duel.
Cashew: I don't know, I'm just telling an epic story over here.
Tynion: The children of Tourach aren't supposed to die to a bunch of Goblins, and why me? You have the Serra Angel!
PlayerGoblin: I'll target the Serra Angel with a Goblin Grenade.
Cashew: Not anymore.
Tynion: Hasn't he been sacrificing to my Abyss? And how many other people are in this stupid game?
Cashew: Well PlayerMerfolk is over there with a ton of Merfolk that can Islandwalk, but he can't attack without Islands and he hasn't gotten a Phantasmal Terrain either.
Tynion: And the goofy kid that disappeared to get more dice?
Cashew: I think PlayerThallid is around somewhere, but he ran out of things for his spore counters and had to go find something else to use. Between me and you, I think he's playing Sim Saproling over there.
Tynion: That is stupid, what happened to PlayerDwarf?
PlayerGoblin: That was me turn four. He um… was bad?
Cashew: Well it's your turn Tynion.
Tynion: Good, I'm just going to attack you with my Ebon Praetor while it's still alive.
Cashew: What did I do? PlayerGoblin is the one who killed all your Thrulls, and you know attacking me leaves you open.
Tynion: Tough. Take all of his 9/5 juicy goodness.
Cashew: Fine, whatever. It's my turn next anyway.…

Both armies in shambles, I commanded my remaining soldiers to strike straight into the heart of the defenseless Ebon leader. Knowing it probably would consume everything in them, the Icatians trudged on ever resolved in the eyes of victory. A quick battle ensued leaving Tynion slain by his own shortsightedness. Our goal achieved, we camped there weary from battle, knowing the rest of the day would only bring death.

PlayerGoblin: I'll attack Cashew with 18 Goblin tokens.
Cashew: Well that's that, wanna go get an ice cream cone?
Tynion: No thanks, I can't handle dairy or cold things, and I'm allergic to milk. I better get home before mother worries.

While the previous goofy encounter was fictional, it more or less symbolizes what happened to all of Sarpadia. A continent rife with conflict and war, Sarpadia was more or less defined by its nations and their wars. Havenwood, Icatia, the Ebon Hand, the Vodalians, and the Dwarves were the ruling empires. Much like in the above story, we don't ever see much from the Dwarves as they're wiped from the face of Sarpadia by the Goblins and Orcs pretty early on.

There is a pretty cool article that ran in The Duelist (Issue #3) about the fall of the Dwarves that had them begging for help from the other empires. Most nations offered condolences about not being able to help, but the Ebon Hand—sensing new recruits—sent a mercenary captain to help them out. Unfortunately for the Dwarves, the mercenaries joined the Orc-Goblin army leaving them worse off. In the end, the Dwarves fell and were erased from the history of the world.

From there, the Orcs and Goblins tried to destroy Icatia, but failed at the hands of an extremely well-organized army. Licking their wounds for a little while, the Orcs and Goblins hung out waiting for friends. Meanwhile, the Elves were embroiled with conflict over what to do with the Thallids. Split down the middle in internal strife, some saw them as nothing more than fodder, while others recognizing their sentience wanted to foster their growth. The political bickering left the Elves disorganized for a defense when the Thallids attacked, leaving the empire overrun in a single day.

Then we turn over to the Order of the Ebon Hand in the same situation as the Elves. The Thrulls created by their own hands began to show signs of rebellion and the wondrous but brief period of their exploitation ended. I can't say there was any indication between the death of the master Thrull breeder Endrek Sahr and the rebellion, but it almost appeared hand in hand. The Thrulls overran the Ebon Hand and a brief counter-insurgency failed very fast.

We're not going to worry about the sea, because that's simple. Homarids came, Merfolk left, end of story. What is interesting is how the Thrulls, Goblins, Orcs, and Thallids joined forces and played romper stomper all over the Icatians. Then the Thrulls, being the really evil things they are, destroyed the Goblins and Orcs. It took a while, especially considering that Orcs are cowards and went to hide in the caves for a bit. The Thallids and the Thrulls having come from a similar place co-exist apparently for thousands of years.

So lets run it down again real fast:

• Orcs-Goblins decimate the Dwarves.
• Homarids drive away the Merfolk.
• Order of the Ebon Hand creates then is destroyed by Thrulls.
• Same goes with the Elves and the Thallids.
• Orcies, Gobbies, Thrulls, and Thallids all break Icatia.
• Thrulls kill Gobbies and Orcs.
• Thrulls and Thallids rule for thousands of years.

Any questions?

Well if you're paying attention and have a keen eye for detail, or just plain know the story, you know I missed a big one. For all of the normal warfare and excitement going on, there was something much larger and much more profound at the heart of all the conflict. Well not all, but most. What you don't see are two key figures: Tev and Tymolin Loneglade. Tev is an old school planeswalker (read: very powerful) who has enchanted his sister Tymolin with eternal youth. Tev lived in isolation in Havenwood while his sister married a Dwarf. Put two and two together here. If you get four, you would realize that when the Dwarven homeland was raided by the Orcs and Goblins, it put Tymolin right in harm's path. Her Dwarven daddy was slain and she head out to find brother dearest.

Now that's all kind of interesting; if you know anything about planeswalkers you would assume the next course of action is for Tev to demolish the Orcs and Goblins. However, you also know that the Orcs and Goblins demolish all of Sarpadia... so now we're at a quandary! The missing link in it all is a little thing I like to call The Young and the Zealotrous, Sarpadia's own soap opera. Because not only was Tymolin into little Dwarves, but she also apparently loved at least one powerful figure of Sarpadia; none other than Oliver Farrel.

How many heads are spinning—a Cleric involved in some kind of Sarpadian sex scandal? Is Tymolin the Britney of Fallen Empires? Wait and see how the story unfolds.

Back on track, Tymolin convinced Tev to warn Icatia, specifically Montford, about the incoming doom of the Orc-Goblin army. Meanwhile, Oliver was in Montford proclaiming Tymolin to be the incarnation of Tourach because she never aged. (Plot flash! Tourach = the dark god of the Ebon Hand whom the Farrelites hate.) Talk about your jilted ex-lovers! We now have the Zealot train headed full force towards Havenwood, while the good guys are steaming straight towards it. What neither of them knew was that the Ebon Hand was also lurking, hoping to get it on Sharks and Jets style with the Farrelites. This is what you call a Perfect Storm situation.

And what happens?

Tymolin and Tev hit full force into the Farrelites. Oliver tried using everything from Aeolipiles to his own mantle to kill Tymolin. However, he didn’t recognize that the old man (Tev) was a powerhouse and proceeded to get his "butt whooped." Tev killed a lot before casting a darkness spell and fleeing with Tymolin. Somehow they got separated which is never good, because Tev ended up in Thallid country while Tymolin ran into, you guessed it, the Ebon Hand.

Now the perfect storm is in full effect. The Order of the Ebon Hand used Tymolin to lure out the Farrelites, and Oliver, relishing a chance to get at her again, took the bait. Meanwhile Tev fried up some Thallids and got generally more and more ticked off. Back to Tymolin, the Order and the Farrelites had a little standoff before Oliver was allowed to speak to Tymolin. Big mistake on the Order's part! Oliver being the psycho ex-boyfriend he was stabbed Tymolin to death causing a certain planeswalker to go completely and utterly insane.

While the Order and the Cult were fighting tooth and nail, killing the ever-loving snot out of each other, none realized the massive squall getting ready to join the fray. In a mighty Fireball that incinerated every last single Order and Cult member, Tev—or as we call him now, Tevesh Szat—showed up. How mad was Tevesh? Mad enough that he wanted all of Sarpadia destroyed, mad enough that instead of warning Montford he summoned the Orcs and Goblins to their gates. Mad enough that he continued to seek the destruction of the world until he almost succeeded several times over the next 3000 years before Urza stopped him.

And that is the true heart of conflict that many miss from Fallen Empires... the origin of one of Magic's greatest villains.

~Cashew~

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Articles Spotlights from 2008:
A Fresh Perspective: Stasis - Part One.
The Apprentice Magician - Part Six.
Design on a Dime: The Lunch Meat Edition!
Fit the Flavor 2008 - FINALE!
The Games People Play - Market & EDH.
More Evil Than Evil.
Pauper Chronicles: Top O' the Morningtide to You!
Sarpadian Empires, Vol VII: Foreword.
Words from the Streetz: Uncommon and Common Magical Treasures.
The Writers Guild: The Inside Scoop.