Since I am not heading up this series this time around, Ryu made the executive decision (which also makes me duck and head for cover) to slap me with Black in addition to Red.

Look, we all know that I hate Black. We all know that you guys hate it when I bash on Black. But we all have to face the facts of life.

I win and you lose because you are reading my article! HA!

*EHEM!!*

Let’s start with Black and just get it out of the way. I’ll try not to be too rough on you guys. No promises though…

Writer’s Note ~ I will be using the same scoring system as Shadowmoor for this edition. If you like it, let me know. If you don’t like it, let me know. If you didn’t read the article, I’d say let me know, but you probably didn’t read this. Ah screw it, just let me know what you know.

Ashling the Extinguisher - 2BB
Legendary Creature - Elemental Shaman
Whenever Ashling the Extinguisher deals combat damage to a player, choose target creature that player controls. He or she sacrifices that creature.
The Aurora had transformed her into a relentless force of destruction.
4/4

FI: Why doesn’t this card just read: Lure. Seriously, why would you not block him? Hey Ashling, what is you beef with Birds of Paradise? They are pretty. Just look at their art…
(4/4 for four is always a bargain)

Grade: A, Black overall score: +1

Creakwood Ghoul - 4B
Creature- Plant Zombie
{bg}{bg}:Remove target card in a graveyard from the game.You gain 1 life
3/3

FI: Good ability on a stupid card. Look, I am not paying 5 for a 3/3… ever. I don’t care if that card was called Akroma, Black’s [Censored]. I am not paying it. Sure, some guy stuck with it in limited is think that I am a moron, but I beg to differ! You sir are the moron. You paid $10 to get into this draft, congratulations on your Creakwood Ghoul. Being an uncommon, it could have been a Crumbling Ashes (see below).

Grade: F for freaking stop making limited only cards! Black overall score: 0

Crumbling Ashes - 1B
Enchantment
At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy target creature with a -1/-1 counter on it.
"I was there to watch my brothers' quenching. I drew the slightest warmth from their dying rage." - Illulia of Nighthearth

FI: Wow Creakwood Ghoul, look! A good card in the uncommon slot. Imagine actually getting a card that is worth putting in my trade binder after I finish bending the crap out of it during my booster draft. Anyways, it is a good card… do I have to explain why?

Grade: A, Black overall score: +1

Lingering Tormentor - 3B
Creature -Spirit
Fear
Persist
2/2

FI: It is good to see that they have not ran out of cool names. I like the name, and have not even read the card yet. Let’s see what happens afterwards…

… umm, why do all fear creatures require a body of 2/2 no matter how much I pay for them? Great, so I pay 4, you wax him, and I can then attack with a 1/1 that you can’t block unless you happen to have a Black or Artifact creature (Math says that 2/5 of the creatures can block him ((if there were actually playable Artifact creatures these days)))

Grade: D - Fodder, Black overall score: 0

Merrow Bonegnawer - B
Creature - Merfolk Rogue
{T}: Target player removes a card in his or her graveyard from the game.
Whenever you play a black spell, you may untap Merrow Bonegnawer.
1/1

FI: Again, a great name, I certainly hope that they don’t ruin this one as well. Oh, ok… so I will just use this instead of the Creakwood Ghoul, and I only needed go three cards down to find it. Thanks Wizards. Oh and it’s a common. Oh and it does not live up to the hype of its name. (I hear Tarmogofy doesn’t like cards in the graveyard getting removed from the game.)

Grade: B - Fodder, Black overall score: +1

Necroskitter - 1BB
Creature - Elemental
Wither (This creature deals damage in the form of -1/-1 counters.)
Whenever a creature an opponent controls with a -1/-1 counter on it is put into a graveyard, you may return that card to play under your control.
1/4

FI: Woah! I was waiting to rip on this guy. I first saw the 1/4 and thought to myself, ‘great, now Black gets a high toughness creature.’ However, upon further review, this guy could get extremely nasty if you can keep him blocking or attacking and not heading to the graveyard. He is very cheap for his ability too.

Grade: A - Fodder, Black overall score: +2

Needle Specter - 1BB
Creature - Specter
Flying
Wither (This deals damage to creatures in the form of -1/-1 counters)
Whenever Needle Specter deals combat damage to a player, that player discards that many cards.
1/1

FI: This guy is screaming to be in a Green deck. You know what, screw you Green, I don’t even need you anymore! Red can pump just as good as you can these days. Brute Force and Fists of the Anvil anyone. Not to mention that I can use bolts and fire to kill creatures. Yea, if any color ticks me off more than Black, it is Green. I hope I get Green in the next expansion. *grins evilly*

PS. How come all Specters suck? And why are they always rares and then suck? I am just curious… (fourth turn Stonewood Invocation for the win!!)

Grade: D – Sit in my binder and collect dust, Black overall score: +1

Nightmare Incursion - 5B
Sorcery
Search target player's library for up to X cards, where X is the number of Swamps you control, and remove them from the game. Then that player shuffles his or her library.

FI: What?!

Grade: A – “What?!” Black overall score: +2

Raven's Crime - B
Sorcery
Target player discards a card.
Retrace (You may play this card from your graveyard by discarding a land card in addition to paying its other costs.)
It plucks away memories like choice bits of carrion

FI: If you had read my two part article regarding the Theory of Discardability, you’d know what I am thinking here… wait for it…

WHAT!?!

Holy Moley! Those turns where I draw a damn land and it ruins everything look much more appealing now! AAAAAAHAHAHAHA!

Grade: A – “What?!” Black overall score: +3

Smoldering Butcher - 3B
Creature - Elemental Warrior
Wither
4/2

FI: Boy oh boy, I am guessing according to the names from here out now. I see Butcher, I feel suckage!

Eh, no too terribly bad. It would be amazing if it had first strike.

Grade: C, Black overall score: +3

Soot Imp - 1BB

FI: Imps always suck too. Does Black have a creature type that inspires me to think this card will not suck?

Creature - Imp
Flying
Whenever a player plays a nonblack spell, that player loses 1 life.
1/2

FI: It doesn’t completely suck, but seriously, would you ever play this is you were not playing an Imp deck? Any why would you do that?

Grade: D, Black overall score: +2

Soul Reap - 1B

FI: I am going to guess it has something to do with taking a creature from my grave and putting it into my hand, but I bet it does not have a buyback or recover and does not say, draw a card, so it is bad like Raise Dead.

Sorcery
Destroy target nongreen creature. Its controller loses 3 life if you've played another black spell this turn.

FI: Boy oh boy, this game of mine could make me look really silly. But hey, what am I the best at? Reminding you that you probably are not the dumbest guy alive, so let’s continue!

Why nongreen?

Grade: C, Black overall score: +2

Soul Snuffers - 2BB

FI: Have no clue. I’d guess a bad creature removal spell. Snuffers?

Creature - Elemental Shaman
When Soul Snuffers comes into play, put a -1/-1 counter on each creature.
3/3

FI: Errrrt again! Would be a nice combo with the Crumbling Ashes enchantment that we saw earlier. Alone he is a fairly efficient creature; ends up as a 2/2 for 4, however, with the Momentary Blink decks, I can see him repeatedly wiping the board.

Grade: A, Black overall score: +3

Syphon Life - 1BB

FI: This is exactly why I always tell my writers, “Don’t read the spoilers as they are released. Do your article at one time.” Yea, I already know what this one does as I cheated and read the Wizards spoiler a few weeks back.

Sorcery
Target player loses 2 life and you gain 2 life.
Retrace (If this card is in your graveyard, you may play it by discarding a land card in addition to paying its other costs.)

FI: Yea, another good use for those late game land draws that are usually back breakers. A continual drain of two life a turn is a great thing. Especially when your opponent realizes that the damage he is dealing to you in effort to keep up is actually damage to his own life that you have stolen. I like this card a lot.

Grade: A, Black overall score: +4

Talara's Bane - 1B

FI: I don’t know who Talara is, but I bet her (her? his?) Bane is going to blow.

Sorcery
Target opponent reveals his or her hand. Choose a green or white creature card from it. You gain life equal to that creature card's toughness, then that player discards that card.

FI: Great, a nice sideboard card with a use. Gaining ten life off of your opponent’s Indomitable Ancients.

Grade: B, Black overall score: +5

Umbra Stalker – 4BBB

FI: Oh no, sounds like a creature with BBB and is a seven casting cost creature at that. I feel a big wiffer coming up…

Creature - Elemental
Chroma - Umbra Stalker's power and toughness are each equal to the number of black mana symbols in the mana costs of cards in your graveyard.
Don't venture into the darkness, lest it decide not to let you leave.
*/*

FI: Could be nice, except that graveyard hate is EVERYWHERE@! Talk about a wiff of epic proportions.

Grade: F, Black overall score: +4

An overall score of +4 s not bad, considering that most of the cards won’t see the light of day outside of limited play. I like Syphon Soul errrrr!!!! Life the most, while I think Nightmare Incursion is going to leave a lot of people gasping and griping their heads as they know that they no longer have the ability to answer threats. Imagine having 9 Swamps in play and you serve up an Incursion and using the other three mana to Mirari it. I’ll take 18 cards from your library now. Go ahead and shuffle please. While you are reaching for your library, why don’t you just reach a little further and shake my hand?

cpn

It is again time for a review of Red’s portion of a brand new set. As always, I keep insisting on covering Red because I want to make sure that we get the best bang for our buck and not get screwed over with more sparks and smoldering. We want forest fires and fiery mountains being hurled upon people’s heads. THAT! That is what Red is all about. We need pillaging hordes, axes, and billy-clubs. We simply want to overpower our foes with hate and revenge, especially smug knights who think that they don’t stink. They won’t once we burn down their castles…

Chaotic Backlash - 4R
Instant
Chaotic Backlash deals damage to target player equal to twice the number of white and/or blue permanents he or she controls.

FI: Well, this would be really really good, except that typically Blue and White don’t have a lot of pieces parts in play. I suppose it would be funny to hit a White Weenie deck right in the face with it when they have four creautes in play. “I’ll pay 5, take eight please.” It is definitely a good sideboard option. Now that I think about it, I be Faeries and Merfolk decks wouldn’t appreciate this much either…

Grade: B, Red overall score: +1

Cinder Pyromancer - 2R
Creature - Elemental Shaman
{T}: Cinder Pyromancer deals 1 damage to target player.
Whenever you play a red spell, you may untap Cinder Pyromancer.
"If the whole world burns, I'll never grow old."
0/1

FI: As I was reading this guy, I began thinking, “Oh come on… I understand that you are gifting me Prodigal Sorcerer, but how many incarnations of him do I possibly need?” Then I read the last sentence and I sat up straight. Really? Are you kidding me? So every Red spell cast is equal to one damage? Wow! He effectively increases every burn spell by two damage! Think about the possibilities! On turn three I set him into play. On my next turn, I start off by tapping him for a damage on your head. I cast Manamorphose, which untaps the Pyromancer. I tap him again, smacking your face again. I then cast an Incinerate on your Tarmogoyf, which untaps the Pyromancer again. I tap him again to poke you in your left eye. Finally, I play another Incinerate, hitting you for only three, which untaps the Pyromancer, and he finishes the play by nailing you in the right eye for another point of damage.

Nice!

Grade: B, Red overall score: +2

Duergar Cave-Guard - 3R
Creature - Dwarf Warrior
Wither
{wr}: Duergar Cave-Guard gets +1/+0 until end of turn.
1/3

FI: I don’t care what color you are, I don’t want to pay 4 for a 1/3. Granted, he has the potential for getting big, however as we learn from every non-Nantuko Shade pumping creature, no one wants to invest a ton of mana into a creature so he can be Terror’ed.

Grade: D, Red overall score: +1

Fiery Bombardment - 1R
Enchantment
Chroma- {2}, Sacrifice a creature: Fiery Bombardment deals damage to target creature or player equal to the number of red mana symbols in the sacrificed creature's mana cost.
It kills two beasts with one thrown.

FI: What!? *Looks at Demigod of Revenge* What?!

Grade: A, Red overall score: +2

Flame Jab - R
Sorcery
Flame Jab deals 1 damage to target creature or player.
Retrace (You may play this card from your graveyard by discarding a land card in addition to paying its other costs.)

FI: AH HA! I caught you red-handed. Enough with the luke warm burn spell. It barely kills the Bird of Paradises of the world. You want me to discard a land to get a single point of damage? Forget it…

*thinking…* I wonder if they would be dumb enough to make:

Card Name – R2
Destroy target land.
Retrace

Nah, they couldn’t be that dumb could they?

Grade: F, Red overall score: +1

Hatchet Bully - 3R
Creature - Goblin Warrior
{2}{R}, {T}, Put a -1/-1 counter on a creature you control: Hatchet Bully deals 2 damage to target creature or player.
"It's not much for eating, but I think we can find somethin' to do with it."
2/2

FI: Meh. Predictable. Doesn’t excite me. I can’t imagine him seeing much play out of limited where they are force to play jank and junk. Hey guys, thanks for the money. Now you get a Hatchet Bully to add to your deck.

Grade: D, Red overall score: 0

Hateflayer - 5RR
Creature - Elemental
Wither
{2}{R}, {Q}: Hateflayer deals damage equal to its power to target creature or player.
5/5

FI: Now that is what I am talking about. Once you get 17 mana available to be able to cast this guy, you get to slam your opponent for five damage a turn! Not to mention that creatures do not heal from this assault. Damn watered down creatures. Why can’t he cost five or six? No, he has to require my first born. You do know that one year olds will cost you more in the long run if you take him right?

Grade: C Limited guys who play junk are licking their chops for him, Red overall score: 0

Heartlash Cinder - 1R
Creature - Elemental Warrior
Haste
Chroma - When Heartlash Cinder comes into play, it gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of red mana symbols in the mana costs of permanents you control.
1/1

FI: He could potentially be really, really big, or not. I’d say that in a late game situation, if you can tandum him with a Demigod, you could get some serious damage across. One Demigod comes into play, drags two buddies out of the grave, and then you play this little guy with a big surprise, give him +16/+0 and I guess attack. I mean, why be scared right? Don’t get me wrong… I am a control player, and have been known to make mistakes with my attacking with creatures due to not playing them all that often, but I think if you have three 5/4 fliers and a 17/1 haste creature in play, I should attack.

Grade: A, Red overall score: +1

Hotheaded Giant - 3R

FI: Back to this fun game again. Hothead Giant = sucky giant that is a giant that will never see the light of day, since most giants fit in that equation.

Creature - Giant Warrior
Haste
Hotheaded Giant comes into play with two -1/-1 counters on it unless you played another red spell this turn.
4/4

FI: HA! Why don’t you just say he is 3RR for a 4/4 or 3R for a 2/2? Then people are sit proudly like they are a god player when they Incinerate my blocker and then play their now 4/4 Giant. Ohhh! Good play Mr. Synergy. Not like they didn’t hold your hand and walk you through the play.

Grade: C, Red overall score: +1

Impelled Giant - 4RR

FI: Two straight giants. I see six mana and think I will be rolling my eyes here in a second. Let me get back to you…

Creature - Giant Warrior
Trample
Tap an untapped red creature you control other than Impelled Giant: Impelled Giant gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the power of the creature tapped this way.
3/3

FI: Or… I could just play two good creatures and attack with them both for the same freaking damage. These are not good creatures. Guys like Lawnmower Behemoth and this are bad creatures. They get big, but… damn! The only thing this guy has going for him is that he has trample. Give me Doublestrike and I will be impressed. But then he would have cost 7RRRRR.

Grade: D, Red overall score: 0

Outrage Shaman - 3RR
Creature - Goblin Shaman
Chroma - When Outrage Shaman comes into play, it deals damage to target creature equal to the number of red mana symbols in the mana costs of permanents you control.
A boggart's mind is a tinderbox of volatile thoughts, hungry for a spark.
2/2

FI: I messed up and read too fast in my rant of rage above. So no funny name game for this one. My apologies. I have been playing along nicely for the first part of this article, but let me level with you here. Red doesn’t normally play a lot of R heavy spells. Outside of Flame Javelin, what direct damage spells cost more than one designated Red? The same can normally be true for creatures. So I would need like four or five creatures in play to really cause a serious impact. Obviously, you could just play the Red-Black / Red-Green / Red-White / Red-Blue Cycle creatures and pound with these Chroma spells, but then you are limiting your available spells, thus watering down your decks potential. While I like the Chroma spells so far, they just require a deck build for that ability, instead of being able to fit the ability into your favorite deck. I have issues with these types of abilities. Its like Wizards is forcing me to build a deck how they want it instead of how I want it. See Blue-Green Madness and all Affinity build decks.

Grade: B, Red overall score: +1

Puncture Blast - 2R
Instant
Wither
Puncture Blast deals 3 damage to target creature or player.

FI: I see a trend. I should stop my review of Red now. It is ticking me off. RED WANTS FIRE NOT WATER!

CAN WE GET A LITTLE HELP HERE WIZARDS?!

Grade: D, Red overall score: 0

Rekindled Flame - 2RR
Sorcery
Rekindled Flame does 4 damage to target creature or player.
At the beginning of your upkeep, if an opponent has no cards in hand, you may return Rekindled Flame from your graveyard to your hand.

FI: What the hell? You almost have me trained. I thought for exactly 2.45 seconds, “Oh this is a good spell.” Then I realized… I paid four mana for four damage. NOT GOOD! How about three or better yet two mana to cast the spell and require RR1 to return it if they have no hand. Saps. I get so tired of the whiners who caused Red to get sissified as it has. Ohhh, I can play a 3/3 for R1, but it goes away on its own in two turns! What a bad ass card! NO! Its just all you have to deal with, so it is bad.

Grade: B, Red overall score: +1

Stigma Lasher - RR
Creature - Elemental Shaman
Wither (This deals damage to creatures in the form of -1/-1 counters.)
Whenever Stigma Lasher deals damage to a player, that player can't gain life for the rest of the game.
The extinguisher's curse lasted long after her departure.
2/2

FI: LOL I was just sitting here with my brows pulled down, ticked off, nearly hyperventilating, and here comes my boy! LOOK! A 2/2 for two with good abilities. Well, I guess one good creature in the color is good right. Take the rest of the day off Wizards. Your quota has been met.

Grade: A, Red overall score: +2

Thunderblust - 2RRR
Creature - Elemental
Haste
Thunderblust has trample as long as it has a -1/-1 counter on it.
Persist (When this creature is put into a graveyard from play, if it had no -1/-1 counters on it, return it to play under its owner's control with a -1/-1 counter on it.)
7/2

FI: I have a headache, and I am tired now.

Grade: B, Red overall score: +3

Unwilling Recruit - XRRR
Sorcery
Gain control of target creature until end of turn. Untap that creature. It gets +X/+0 and gains haste until end of turn.

FI: Thank God this is the last one. I can finish on a positive note. Nab up Teferi, attack for a bunch, figure a way to sacrifice him.

Grade: A, Red overall score: +4

I can not believe Red ended with +4. No WAY! That is not a good set of cards. I think there may be four playable cards in the entire lot. Horse bleep effort. I certainly hope they give better effort in the hybrids and if not, give me a better look in the next set. This was just silly. The Black above is much better than Red.

I need to go lie down. When I get up, maybe I will refresh myself on the Yu-Gi-Oh or something usefull…

cpn

You can discuss this article in the MDV forums here.
Find other articles by this author here.
Find other articles from this series here.

[ Back ] [ Home ] [ Up ] [ Next ]

Articles Spotlights from 2008:
A Fresh Perspective: Stasis - Part One.
The Apprentice Magician - Part Six.
Design on a Dime: The Lunch Meat Edition!
Fit the Flavor 2008 - FINALE!
The Games People Play - Market & EDH.
More Evil Than Evil.
Pauper Chronicles: Top O' the Morningtide to You!
Sarpadian Empires, Vol VII: Foreword.
Words from the Streetz: Uncommon and Common Magical Treasures.
The Writers Guild: The Inside Scoop.